Don't bother reading if you are looking for something light to read. Don't bother reading if you complain about boring blogs because this is just going to bore you. Don't bother reading if you don't understand me.
Don't bother asking me if today is a good day. Don't bother asking me if i am happy today. Got an A for cost accounting. And that is not something to be happy about since almost the whole class got A. And was Comm skills and EDA. And home.
It's the routine. Everything changed. I think i am at my weakest point. I miss the strong girl, but all this is too strong to take. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to go home. I just want to run away to somewhere with no worries. Where there is laughter all day long. Where i need not worry. I have been worrying since i was kid. Well, i know everything got a limit and this is my limit. I was fighting the tears from the bus stop till home. Blasting Linkin Park's Valentine's Day. Walked home. I was just thinking and thinking. Why is it me. Why me facing all these. And it happened again. This time it's longer. Froze there. What if. What if. 不服气. If almighty really exist, i wonder what is his purpose for all this shit. Why do this to me everything? Really不服气 . For everything that happens, i don't understand why. Retribution? Karma? Tell me what i have done wrong to deserve this.
I see the weakest of me today. Because i cannot bear them all already. It's not my occasional whining. It's really .. .. .. .. .. i don't know. Michelle, what happened? You seems so not yourself. I heard some people asking me that. I agree. All this problems have really suffocated me. I no longer appear enthu about things. I no longer am mischievous (ok, i still do, just at times). Sighs. I am so tired. Things ain't as simple as you think it is. Everything started so long ago. Changing things is not simple anymore. Try not to make mistakes in life. One wrong move, and it's all gone. My purpose have changed direction and i no longer know what to do and what to say.
I am mine protection. I used to be my protection. But i lost them all. I no longer have the energy to keep things under control. To ensure that everything is going to be fine. That everything will be okay. But at least, you people keep me going.
Xd and van came over just now. For a lil while. Passed me cookies. Xd baked them as she wanted to do something special for her boy. And van tagged along too. Thanks sweethearts. Still your crappiness make me smile. Silly actions, silly words and playing a fool help me to smile. Like they said, if there is nothing to be done to solve the problem, they will help by creating smiles. I know i am crazy, i know i am such a happy-go-lucky girl before. But that is when things are okay. When things are not so bad. But i believe i will get those personality back. Soon. When things are okay. Hopefully everything ends fast. I am tired of facing such problems again. It's so hard that i want to avoid everything and anyone. Even talking to humans, i feel so disgusted. Utterly disgusted with myself. And i have no idea why.
The helplessness is not something i can deal with. But even in school, i can't help but try thinking of ways to solve these problems. But i ended up with a blank mind. Thinking of all the possible outcomes. If these problems are created by the almighty above, i wonder if he realized i am only capable of so little. My tears do get dry. My voice do go hoarse. My strength do have a limit. It's freaking pathetic to be blogging about such stuff but then, i need to really organise my thoughts or i think i might go crazy after all the thinking. Why am i so dumb? Why can't i help out and improve things?
Words no longer express the way i feel. Day and night make no difference. Laughter and smiles even become a sign of mockery for me. =.= Enough complaining michelle? Because you know very well complaining ain't going to improve things. I want to learn to face things on my own and handle things on my own. Even if i fail to improve, i don't want you to share my tears because it seems i relied too much on you my friend. Nothing. I am fine. Fine Fine. I am fine. Don't worry. Don't worry. I am Michelle, not your normal kinda girl. I am brave enough to face them all. And i still have energy to face them all.
I am tired today. Suffering some minor body aches due to the badminton yesterday and i finally know why the butt will ache too. -.- Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. From 8 to 5. And i am not looking forward to school too. Like hell. Learned how to play bingo today. =0) I know how to play another kind of bingo and not this kinda bingo. And i am sucha an idiot. Haax. Wk taught how to play some finger thingy game that i assume everyone knows. And and and, i am so dumb to do something so wrong. =x I told you, my hands and eyes and ears and brain don't coordinate right! Did i mention how dumb i was today in the morning. Was wanting to get off the bus. I got my ez link card, my jacket and my phone on my left hand. And i wanted to tap the card, and i grab my phone and tapped it on the scanner. =.= I am so...I wanted to get the card, but got the phone and TAPPED it instead. Oh tell me i am dumb. +)
Okies. I wanna catch some sleep first. Had a good dream cum nightmare last night and that explains why i am so tired today. =0) Nights. I will still smile the best.
Love, Nutelle
If you have nothing to worry about, she envies you. If you only have to worry about whether your guy is having an affair with other people, she envies you. If you only have to worry about how unromantic your guy is, she envy you. If you only have to worry about whether there is enough time to shop, she envy you. If you only have to worry about your school grades, she envy you. If you only have to worry about the latest gossip, she envy you. If you only have to worry about the extra weight you gained, she envy you. If you only have to worry about confessing to your crush, she envy you. If you have two of them with you, she envies you because she didn't have the chance, so treat them well. If you only have to worry about having enough sleep, she envy you. If you are able to smile happily, she envy you. She envy you.