She may be smiling for a moment and laughing the next. She may be childish for a moment and sensible the next. She cca hopped during secondary school and finally end up with the love of her life She is a careless lady She refuses to admit that she careless. She love to watch teary English movies. She love to watch horror movies that scare her off her seat. She tend to develop love-hate relationship with certain things. She cried for nights when she knew that the end of people is when they die. She would walk to her mum when she is sleeping and place her hands on her nose to see if she is still breathing when she was young. She can cry for no apparent reason. She love to be crazy. She hates it when people see the real her. She love to see people not being able to understand her, and yet she yearns for them to understand. She tries to be strong. She hates to be of a burden to others. She loves to talk. She enjoys gatherings. She loves compliments. She loves the sun. She is afraid of being forgotten forever. She hates conflicts. She hates negative signs.
You know who she is? She told me to tell you people to remember her even when she isn't around. I will remember her. =0)
Let me see what i did today. I woke up super early. Finished up my "script" which ended up to be the wrong one. Bathed and head out to meet june. Went to school. Was completing my final script. And here comes the norm. I did EVERYTHING wrong again. Like, how great can that be? I spent the whole of last night doing it. Re-doing and re-doing. But it appears, i only can do so much. Kinda pissed off with myself for such stupidity. If there is one thing i haven't learn, that is i haven learn to be smarter. So just re-do everything. Right from "thanks ..........." till the end. My eyes hurt so badly i wanted to gorge them out. Kill me please, oh no, you need not.
Then finished. Tried to read them out again. Gastric pains. =.= But whatever, it's just pain. Ate some japanese rice.
I might not need to sleep tonight. I enjoy last minute work and i hate it too. =.= No time.
I guess it's just another of those days. Quarrels again. Perhaps, i really love to anger you? Whatever. I know you understand. Thank you for understanding. But at times.. Forget it, i am sick of explanations.
I was heading home alone just now. Thought alot and thought too much. Why aren't we given a second chance in life? Start from the beginning all over again? Everyone fear the unknown. I am too. But michelle gonna face it. Grit your teeth and face it all. I think i lost the will. The moment i let it go, i lost the will too. The will to go against whatever is happening. I am simply too tired to hold onto hopes. I am simply too tired to force that smile. I am too tired to force back the tears.
How will you console your friend if your friend is very depressed due to his/her friend leaving him/her? Glad you know how to console your friend. Console yourself this way alright?
Too much words. They lose their meaning. Do you have a something that you used to like alot. But your mum threw them away and as time pass, you forgot about it? I was just wondering what is the tendency to forgot something easily. You love something so much, would you forget about it? You like something, would you forget about it?
Don't worry for those that know about it. I learnt to console and face things myself. At times, i just break down and cry. But most of the time i am fine. When you got reality slapped hard into your face, you don't have time to resist it. It's a point where tears doesn't show how sad and hurt you are. It's a point where whining is not enough to change things. It's a point where nothing can be done to improve situation.
I hate each night. Because when you close your eyes, you don't know what will happen the next day.
And i realised something. No matter what happens, the world still spins around the sun The trees still grow and wither. People come and go. Babies are born to take over your place. Everything functions as normal. Everything. When i think of this, i feel so cold. So lonely.
But what is lonely? I remember people asking me what is the meaning of life. I might give the answer : Go check the dictionary. Ask me now, and i might give you another answer. The meaning of life. It's the four words in chinese. "Sheng Lao Bing Si". We all got to go through that right? Only some face them faster than the hours. Some skip a few steps. Either way, the end is still the same. It's how each human pass through the period. I am filled with regrets. There are so many things i didn't dare to do. So many things i didn't do.
I have been facing things in a not so sensible way. At times, i blog and i look at it. Would you ever read every word of it. It's your time, why would you waste it listening to the silent pleas of a girl. A girl so...normal. A girl so unnoticeable.
I was thinking about something on the bus home. What have i bring with me, if one day, i disappear. Two guys i truly love? How true is it. All quiz, all fortune telling. You will only have two guys you really love. Memories. And alot of pain.
I guess i shall end this entry here alright? And xd, don't be worried. =0) Michelle is as strong as ever right? Loves and meet up soon alright. Happy that you are happy with your guy now. =0)
Okies. I got lot's to memorize now. And my throat is hurting like hell.
Love, Nutelle
I fell and scraped my knee. And realised, my leg didn't hurt. It was my heart.
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