Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Thanks for your hand.But you know it's not the hand i have been looking for.
But thanks so much.
=x
Walking the same path.
And still walking beside me when i am at my suckiest moment.
I so want to thank you, but seems, i cannot thank you enough.
Your hot temper, your overly protective nature may kill me at times.
But at least you lend me your helping hand and telling me it's alright to be selfish at times. Telling me it's alright to be crazy and saying what's on your mind. And it's alright to be bias about people at times and it's alright to be on your guard when meeting people. I know it's all negative traits but at least, someone accepts them as they are. It's very tiring to be wanting to be of standard or even trying to be what everyone perceive you to be. I spend 70% of my thinking time thinking about why people feel that way and is it because i did something wrong or something right. Yea, i know very retarded. =X But the more i think about it, the more i feel negative. It's like the whole world is swallowing me inside and what is left is a shell (ima nut remember? =0) ).
=0)
I am once again, at another hardest point of my life.
The last hard point was a few years back.
And now, i am facing it again.
I am super tired.
Drained from facing those problems i cannot solve.
Drained from waiting for THAT pair of hands to miraculously reach out for me.
It's so tiring to wait for that pair of hands to miraculously reach out for me. It's disappointing too because somehow, i see no hope. But it's weird, because i will still hold onto that hope. It's kind of frustrating at times. I hate myself for being so dumb and retarded. You know it's hard hating yourself? You know it's tiring doing things i am doing and facing things i am facing? I don't go around whining these really problematic crisis because...i lost hope in expecting some replies, some form of comfort or even a smile. It's pretty fake at times. As time pass,i realised.... I need assurance and if i don't get them when i expect to get them, it's pretty torturous. I know i sound like a useless and weak girl, but nahs. Having gone so far, it's pretty obvious i am strong girl. Honestly, i look back and am amazed i have gone through those shit. Like really.
Walking home just now, we were talking about silly stuffs. How retarded we are. He is one of my closest friend because he can read my words now! =0) Smart.
Ok, let's see who understand what i am saying. "Loving is like eating" It's not as simple as it sounds alright.
Anyways, was at a blog and found these really interesting pictures. Really meaningful. But I know, you need to keep complaining and whining and finding fault with everything to improve. But is it too tiring? These are the pictures.
Any meaning? Hmmms. Very interesting pictures and wordings. But still i want to die. The very urge to want to die is increasing very often. Things cannot be solved. Waking up everyday without knowing a reason why. I pity and really dont like people wanting to die or is sucidal.
But this time, i am really tired. Fine, i will still try to STAY ALIVE ( i want to watch movie ). Well, that is if i don't drop dead. Holding on to one thing. Just that. Sighs.
Retard mich. Retard mich. Retard mich.
At times, i look around and i don't understand why things happen. Why is it that we see things differently? It's within seconds that we judge someone good or evil. Why is that so? Why things happen that way? I realise something. I think i am really cursed. Two guys i really think are of great importance in my heart, bear one similar trait.
=.= I am cursed. CURSED. =.= Whatever.
I am suffering from bad headache. Like some ginormous rock hit my head. Really bad and i think i am suffering from mild sun burnt? LIGHTS DO HAVE THE SUN BURNT EFFECT and it's not me WEIRD. Played badminton today and ... i am tired. But loving it. =0) Something worth being happy about right? But i think i am sick already.
Oh yes, i remember a story from some radio station. I heard it and i cried so hard when i heard the ending. This guy have been "woo-ing" this girl, and this girl play "hard to get" and asked him to play the gachapon for 100 times before she will accept him. Day by day, the guy give her the stuff he got from the gachapon. But on the 99th time, he stopped. And he practically disappeared. And one day, the girl found out that he passed away due to some illness. And that is on the 99th day. So, i guess, if you really feel that way, don't keep delaying, tell the person alright?
=.=
Crap.
I am tired.
I want to finish playing mario (yea, i haven complete it).
I want to finish reading my ANGELS and DEMONS.
I want to tell you i love you ( which i won't do ).
I want to be tired ( i am )
I want my sister to be safe in vietnam and enjoy her trip.
I want to not see the dangerous and sad journey ahead. I dont want to begin that journey but i believe that once i finish that journey, i won't need to go through it again.
=.=
Love,
Nutelle BOTTLED 10:13 PM l 0 Bottle(s)