Today's is "popo" (my maternal grandma's) anniversary. It's been 8years. I still remember the day and i crave for lychee today. That was the last thing she bought for me.
I was pretty young then. Still in primary school, i think pri 4. It was just like any other day. Just that she talked abit weird. Asked us over to her house after she came to our place. Sat there, talking to her brother i think. And she left us peacefully. I remembered the terror in meemee's eyes when she tried to called popo awake. I remembered how anxious we all were when waiting for the paramedics. I remembered how hard we all cried in the hospital. Jacklyn and jamie jiejie were there to console us, the younger ones and made us smile and comfort us. I remember seeing her body in a room. So lifeless , so not like her. She was hip. She loves us all. She got a very cute laughter. She loves us all. She cooks very well. She was brave. She was .... a good mother and grandma.
I remember the whole funeral, the cremation and the aftermath. How i miss her. She is one of my favourite person. After she left, things went bad. Everything gone wrong. And i always ... wondered what's it like to have her around. She like my sister's drawings. My sis will draw and show her and she will smile. She's very healthy too.
I miss her. I can't believe it has been 8years. It seems like yesterday. I can't go pray tomorrow. I got school. I very much want to pon school for it, but then, i believe she wouldn't like that.
Was vulnerable today. Every lil thing might make me breakdown. Any lil thing might push me off the edge. My circuit refused to work again today. Was totally .... .... Kinda gave up. But i didn't. Just brought it home to check. The whole while, i was .... Wo bu fu qi. I looked around. i see no signs of humanity. I see no signs of sympathy in all the eyes. I see no signs of a pair of eyes...willing to understand ...
Sms-ed chris and dumbie. yue = Got propagation delay like that~ hahas Whine about my results to dumbie and alot of other stuffs. Then saw/met chris at the "koufu"... Brighten up my day o. =0) Feels so nice to see a pair of familiar and humane eyes. =0) Then saw yue. Then felt better for the day.
Was pretty vulnerable today. =0( I miss my popo. I miss all the familiar faces. I miss yue. I miss chris. I miss yingg. I miss dumbie. I miss xd. I miss sam. I miss ivan. I miss every familiar face.
Today's lesson was a total nightmare. Except for INDEC. My quiz which i had 0% confidence scored pretty well. =0) 8! I am..... very related to 8. =x Okok. Today's lesson was a total nightmare. Argh~ So want to give up on my studies. =0( Nothing seems to go right. Whether it's careless or not, i just can't get things my own way. But then, nahs! Giving up is not a word in my dictionary. Ok, a phrase i mean. I rather die then to give up. =0) Nothing can get worst right? =0) okies. Michelle jiayou o. Things can get worst, but not your mood/spirit. =0) Oh yes, dumbie changed the bike colour. TO A FREAKISHLY DISGUSTING GREEN. =.= THAT GREEN IS DISGUSTING GREEN. You know, the poop green. So er xin. And he insist it's nice. Weird person, weird taste. And i realised something today. Or rather, i am enlightened. I cannot change someone's likes. I can only ... keep someone safe. =0) I know le la. I cannot stop someone from doing something, i can only prevent the person from coming to more harm right? =0) so he is only going for once a month. =0) At least i accomplished something. =0) Heehee
Okies. I am still a happy girl. =0) I decided to let go of certain things. When i decide, i wanna make sure i really let it go. =0) I am over it. Even if i am really not over it yet, i will....learn to let it go. =0)
Okies.
Love, Nutelle.
I hate you and your pair of cold eyes!
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