Was reading Maia’s blog. Or rather her entries from STOMP. And I quite like her and the way she blogs. Taught me a lot and well, I think I always wanted to have the way she thinks. That daredevil attitude.
I can’t help but agree to some stuff she mentioned. She is quite conservative and yet open-minded. Leave your life the way you want and bear the consequences. What about bearing consequences of not bearing consequences? That brings me back to the incident today. Which totally sucks. Yes, the dialogue session. I skipped it. I didn’t know it was for two days and I am definitely not going to skip EDA and Maths. So why bother going today? Oh right, don’t say I got an attitude that sucks right? Ok, I have. But I don’t like to do things I don’t like. I don’t think I am obliged to do things I don’t like right? But then again, I realized that it’s totally my fault for what happened this afternoon. My totally irresponsible nature is something that cannot be changed. Yeaps. I would want to drag my horoscope out but then realized I better not. But yeaps, as I hate to admit it, I am irresponsible at times. For example, I told someone I will help her do her project, history project. Heex. But she got to keep pestering me before I will do it. It’s not something I like so it’s hard for me to keep to it. Unless I promised you I will go cycling with you, I confirm will keep it unless I have some really good reasons. Yeaps. Either way, I am irresponsible la. As much as I hate to admit it. Heex. But don’t blame me, I am still changing. Or should I?
You must be wondering what happened right? Ok, let me try to tell you what happened. Keep it short and sweet and if I sounded like I am blaming someone, please don’t take it to heart as I need to blame someone or I might murder myself in shame. And I very well know it’s my fault because I am irresponsible. My PEM called me during the holidays and that is before exams telling me there is a dialogue session. He told me it’s on week 14. And I thought it was just a dialogue session so I said ok. Yes, my words. =.= I totally forgot about it until like yesterday Jessica mentioned it to me and told me to check my email that I got to go for it today. I forgot it’s week 14 today and I will have to go again next week skipping eda and maths. (*I really sound like I am giving excuses*) And I thought from last night till this morning and till know I am also thinking about it. I can’t even play badminton in peace as I kept watching the clock and my idol(*will talk about that later. Xd said I am beyond cure*). Clock was the main thing after idol left. I was thinking and thinking if I should really go for it but I hate boredom. So I just kept looking at the time. Can’t even enjoy a game of badminton in peace. Then I went to WSS with the dialogue session helpers still there. I am so reluctant to go and I totally don’t want to go. And then someone muttered something or rather said something which totally push me off the edge. Alright it felt like I was scolded and yet I know it isn’t because it seems mild. But hl and gJ said it sounded like he was scolding me. But either way, I am a very erm, weird person. I can’t stand being scolded or reprimanded or insulted by someone I don’t respect. Clear? And I am sure I am irresponsible but like I have said, I don’t want to waste time going for this. Ok, it’s still my problem for agreeing to it in the first place. But still, being reprimanded or insulted or scolded by someone I don’t respect is a big deal for me. Same words different person. Like I always say, the same words said by different people have different effect. They may have the same tone, the same attitude and the same body language. But it’s still different. And so far, there is only one person or okay, two that I really don’t respect. Oh don’t give me that face for being too honest and I don’t want to get stoned to death for this entry. I don’t respect you does not mean I hate you. They are both different case. And don’t go on saying you don’t respect me. Hee. I am okay with that because I am totally irresponsible and I have a serious case of mood swings. Oh, I am drifting from the main point.
And so, I am feeling totally disgusted with myself for being irresponsible again. But I will be responsible if it’s for a totally good cause. Like a volunteer project. Or some campaigns and not some money begging campaigns. Or like something more meaningful instead of sitting in front of a group of humans and perhaps talking about things that are well totally irrelevant. I don’t even know who is the director. And I don’t even know how the school function. Well, afterall, I am just getting my diploma(be it a nice one or not, it’s Singapore and everyone have to at least get a degree. Nothing less) and meet nice people or well, some totally despicable ones, and some really interesting people.And I have in school people dying to get the grades. I salute them of course, and no I am not being a sour grape because I got a freaking low gpa score. Ok, having a low gpa in my class sucks because there’s people constantly reminding you that we have 3.9 and gpa of 4 in class. I don’t see June June comparing gpa every now and then( I mentioned her because I think she is really human.). That is the difference between humans and robots I think. Think microP codes (CJNE). Perhaps it’s ok with comparing. I am contradicting myself again. Because it totally comes down to something I mentioned. It depends on who is doing. I don’t want to sound like some really bias freak. But face it, we all are. Have you ever complained about your teacher being a totally disgusting lady with NSL? I guessed you have, ok perhaps not the NSL part. But you have complained and grumbled about the teacher right? I have. But thinking back, it’s because the teacher don’t appeal to you. Imagine Miss Lump and another teacher having similar teaching methods. Miss Lump is Miss Lump. And the another teacher is a freaking hot lady, wearing a skirt and very fashionable top. And not only that, she got the sweetest smile of the century. You will attend the better looking teacher’s lesson right? Ok, perhaps for guys. Change it for girls. The most charming male lecturer. It’s just bias-ness. In my point. And I am a victim of that too. I don’t have an appealing face or figure (oh let’s face it, I am honest). That is not the cause of bias-ness others have on me before. It’s because I am fierce looking. I remember a junior being very afraid of my eyes. So I got to wear my spects. And after knowing me, realized I am not fierce at all. Ok, I am at times, but 70% of the time I am not.
I am just saying, it’s alright to be bias. Don’t go around knotting your eyebrows and pointing fingers at me just because I told you I am bias. Freaking hypocrites. Hypocrite is alright, but to that extent is totally irritating. It’s like telling me you got a totally appropriate face(*it’s hard to achieve the good face shape or whatever is that called) or that steven lim is a super goodlooking guy. It’s so irritating when people try to be the nice person. And no, I am not a nice person, because I am irresponsible and bias. =) And no, I am not saying that we all should be bias. I am bias but I allow space to know that person. You know some people are weird. Ok, weird is a weird word to be used. When you first see them, they come across as total bitches. But when you talk to them, you will find the gem in them .They are totally nice people to talk to and they have such good advices for you. (that applies to some of course) Or a guy that look like a total wimp. But ends up he is the one protecting you when you are in total shit. I call that being bias the smart way. That is my logic and you can disagree with that with reasonable reasons (hmms).
Being in school now opens me to a lot of stuff. We have the totally mcp who tends to love to show that he is dominating which totally turns me off. Because I hate mcp. It’s tolerable if say, you are nice looking (I didn’t say GOOD LOOKING, I said nice and that means average). My class is like Singapore. There is a mixture of humans. And the sad thing is? There are only 21 students. But the mixture of humans (race) is JUST the similarity. What is the difference? Oh gosh, I wonder if I am going to blog about this, but whatever I will just blog it since not many people will read this whole blog. We have people trying hard not to hate each other. Not all, but there’s a few. And thank god, I don’t know of any in my clique of friends. If not I will murder myself trying to figure out why. Unless this mcp does charity work and that does not mean giving $$ if not he is a mcp beyond hope.
Usually I prefer saying things into your face but I have no guts to do that. You know I used to , and am living by this theory “treat people the way you want to be treated” and that applies to people I respect and love. And also people I see on the streets. You know how much I want to smile to people on the bus every morning I go to school but I won’t do that for fear of being thought as mad or lunatic. But I would love to see someone smiling to me on the bus especially when I am cursing myself for having to drag my heavy fat feet to work/school. That is so sweet right. But I do smile to kids. Pretty weird isn’t it. Smiling to kids (that you don’t know) is so normal but not smiling to adults or teens. Smiling to kids and getting a smile back is like so =) . Makes my day you know. But I haven’t been smiling much because I spend my time sleeping on the bus. I know how awful is it to sleep on the bus, but even the short 10mins bus ride is boring! Oh, I will be doing to school tomorrow again. How nice.
You know in Singapore, everything is so systematic, so legal that it gets boring. You want to get a tattoo, but fear being labeled as a bad girl. I want to get a tattoo because I like things with meaning and I won’t be getting them on somewhere visible. In schools it’s the same too. Everything is so systematic that it’s so boring and I totally hate it. Everyone live the same way, ok, not all. You are to get at least a degree, go to university, get a GOOD job with GREAT pay. And celebrate Valentine’s day. Because if you don’t celebrate valentine’s day, you will be someone with no feeling or someone pathetically single. GOOD job with GREAT pay. No good pay means you are useless and you are going to be tied down by debts in the future. Looking at my irresponsible attitude, I only got one word to say, “cham” which means tragic or something like that. I am going to lose my job easily. And I want to be a teacher some more, if I am irresponsible, I am gonna get fired! And I will be labeled useless. Fine. I will be training myself to be a responsible kid from tomorrow onwards. But it’s so hard and I hate it. *sighs* But I got to adapt to this society. With all the angmohs coming over to compete for jobs, I need to upgrade or I will be labeled as useless.
And I realized that humans are hard to please(just like me. =( ) and I can’t possibly please everyone. I try my best but I don’t want to do things that make me unhappy. To sum it up, I am just an irresponsible , and evil girl. =0)
I didn’t know I crap at least three pages of words. Or crap. Let’s see what I did today and that horrifying tattoo experience. I swear I will not ride the bike anymore or at least let someone lighter than me “tong pang” me. It’s so scary. I nearly cause the bike to lose balance while turning. My fault. Hee. You see, I tend to not be able to balance with someone else and so our weight leans on different position and thus the bike kinda lose balance. And that feeling is freaky! Lucky didn’t blame me. I made a bruise on his waist. My big hands fault. Not me. And reached town. Went to the shop and I refused to go in because it looked scary. Went for a walk and FOUND THE BLOUSE I LIKE. But it’s freaking expensive so I just looked at it and walked away. Then dumbie and I went to LJS (Long John Silver) to drink water and chit chat. Talked to him about today’s incident. Once again his overly protective nature irks me again. No wonder xd complains about him. Then xd is finally done like after quite some time. I didn’t dare look at it because I will imagine the pain. =x Then walked around and drank coke again and HOME. Asked her if it was pain, she said it’s pain but not that pain. LIKE REAL. I think it must be so PAINFUL that it went numb. She said she tattoo-ed the initials of her boy’s name which I felt was totally stupid but she said it was for fun. I wanted to see, but I want to wait for a few days , and when it looked normal before looking at it. I can’t help but imagine.
Oh. I played badminton today. And I found my new idol. = ) He is not a great badminton player, he just play for leisure I think but I decided to name him my new idol. = ) Idol is some you don’t know and yet idolize. Ok, it doesn’t explains anything. After the jog, my idol was already preparing to go home. = ( And I find him familiar. He got a big nose too, just like my lao gong. =x
Just when I am typing, I realized I got a weird feeling in my gums. I think a teeth is growing. It hurt so much. Ouch! And if you are wondering why I am on this sad streak lately, fret not. I finally found the words which totally express this out from maia’s blog. Totally speaks up for what I am feeling. = ) You need to let yourself feel sad, before realizing what is happiness and then learn to cherish it. I am not born to KNOW how to cherish. At times I take things for granted.
I guess this blog entry is a wee bit long and I have no idea why I coughed so much crap out today. I want to make my list of idol! And I will end with that alright?
#1 ----- Johnny Depp #2 ----- Kame #3 ----- Yamapi #4 ----- Badminton Idol Unknown Name #5 ----- Shan’t mention his name or else people will find it weird! But he is my idol! =) Ask me if you want to know, or else continue guessing! And he is my idol and that means whatever he do is fine with me! Hahas! #6 ----- Princess Diana (no, don’t laugh! She is really my idol!) #7 ----- Chester #8 ----- Left to be updated!
Note: I got a stiff neck while blogging this. So don’t mind any errors in spelling or grammar. How it affects? MY MOOD! I hate stiff necks! You can’t even turn properly. -.-
BOTTLED 10:38 PM l 0 Bottle(s)