It’s a totally bad day today. Disgusting in fact. At least going out made everything better, but I still feel sucky. Anyways, was supposed to meet June June at 1.30 but I went out early because I wanted to go to the reservoir and walk and sit. So I walked there at around 1 and I was walking slowly. Slowly because I don’t know where I am heading. Call it walking aimlessly. I just let the wind blow into my face and I was listening to “You Light Up My Life” when I felt like crying. But michelle is strong girl, she didn’t. Walked to the reservoir. That place with memories but the stones/rocks aren’t there anymore. And I can’t sit on the grass because it’s overgrown and I can’t possibly have the heart to hinder their growth so I continued walking and walking around the reservoir. I wanted to keep walking and let the wind blow all my worries, all my regrets, all my sorrows away. I really want to forget about everything. Like really because I don’t want it to affect my exam and I don’t want to have that desire to want to grab someone and whine because honestly, I don’t want to irritate people. Even memories can be found. I walked on and on. With the stupid music at the background making me want to breakdown and just remain there forever.
Then June June came and off we went to the basketball court. IT’S FREAKING SUNNY. It’s worst than that actually. It’s scorching hot! And yes, I have no intentions of touching that orange ball. I just wanted to be around people and see people do things. And yes, the sun is killing me there! Watched them play and my mind was wandering to many places. Thinking of so many things and so many things. I shouldn’t be thinking. But the more I think the more I see myself losing myself. The more I think the more the heart ache. Oh, after that went over to north point to have some drinks. Sat there to talk. FOR A LONG TIME. And home! Felt guilty because meemee was alone at home. Sis went out. So bought some stuff for her. Teehee.
And I am home now preparing to study a little bit for maths. Just revising a bit to warm up so tomorrow can settle down to some serious thing. I got no maths text book, how to do revision. =0( Sobs. I realized how fast is it to maths exam. =0( Scary. Scary! I dread maths the most! And hearing Weikang say about indec, I also scared! Omg! Time to pack my table and gear up for exam!
Anyway, I was talking to xd and sam about mou mou ren jia. Yes yes, I think I sound like a whiner and I totally detest that. And so we started to talk about each other’s past. And yes, they all said I am irrational lover. I remember one pathetic thingy I did after the that experience. I would always remind all of them that once they feel any change of heart, even the slightest bit, please tell me and we will break up. Even it’s a slightest bit. I would promise the break up. But I never trusted them. Rah! What am I saying! Crapping again! And yes, I am not sure why I got myself into this one sided situation. I hate it I hate it. It’s like a situation you cannot control, you feel depressed easily, you just get to disgusted with yourself and you hate yourself totally. I thought the first time would be the last time. I believe I will get out of this. I believe I will. Lols. Somehow I lost it. Whatever comes will come. Whatever go will go. No longer know what is right and what is wrong. No longer fighting for that thing I believe in. Rah! Crapping once again! Lalas!
Time to read my harry potter. Teehee. I haven’t start because I dread reading it through the computer. Eyes hurt! Tralala!
BOTTLED 10:20 PM l 0 Bottle(s)