Okay, people, go visit this site: mrotaku.net . It’s rather interesting! I randomly typed in a url and I got to this! =0) Teehee. And I am feeling super unhappy now! Ok. It’s a long story why I am unhappy. But the another thing is my meemee! I wanted to watch “Is It Real” on Nat Geog but my meemee kept turning the channels! *sulks* It’s about aliens or greys today! And I want to watch it but I am just too tired to actually argue with her. And yes, I did tell her that I want to watch the show. But to her, nice shows means KOERAN DRAMAS! =0( *sulks*
Ok. I am acting like a spoilt brat now. It’s 11.46 now and I am still not sure if I am prepared for tomorrow’s common test paper. 40% of the total percentage! Goodness gracious me! =0( (*random: anyone for Life of A Salesman - Yellowcard?*) I read and already made notes but I just don’t feel good about tomorrow. And I cannot remember what I read! =0(
Anyways, I was wondering about so so many things. Why I think too much? You know, my whole mind is filled with what ifs. I remember feeling very afraid of people around me during a period of time because of a movie I watched. It’s not in cinemas, but I guessed I watched it from channel 5. It was about this guy. Ever since he was born he is part of a project. A movie of him since he was a baby and for his 30 plus years of life, he don’t know that he is part of the movie. His “world” is a movie setting. It’s a fake studio. He never went out of country and his life is practically fake. There are cameras everywhere even in his toilet for people/viewers from the outside world to watch his daily life. Everyone around him are acting. And his world, is fake. He soon realise something wrong and went on a ship and kept rowing. He reached the end and it was fake. It was a wall painted with clouds. He found a door, opened it and found the real world. Can you imagine that fear. No one is true. No one is real.
Ever since that show, I became afraid. What if I am experiencing this too? What if everyone around are going by script? It’s so scary! Yeaps. I think too much. My imagination always run wild. I can be with you smiling and joking and laughing and at the same time being worried about what you are thinking. I can’t help it. Everyone fears things they don’t know. But I really want to stop this habit of worrying about things I cannot control. It’s pointless right?
I find this cycle very tormenting. At times, I feel happy and I can wake up smiling. At times, I am super duper depressed and wake up with tears. Why is this so? I have no idea. *sighs* I hate this. Have you ever felt that you are someone you hate. Yes, I even despise this me. Even talking to humans make me feel disgusted. No not because of them, but because of myself. How can this disgusting piece of something be talking to humans? Ok, that is when I am totally not myself that I think of that. So many thoughts in my mind and so little brain juice to think and place things in words.
Digging a human to talk to is hard too. Okie. Tomorrow is paper and I need to sleep early! Bub bye !
No wonder they said love hurts,
BOTTLED 12:06 AM l 0 Bottle(s)