Monday, August 6, 2007
The shadow lefted behind by a lady waiting for the library to be opened.
Hiroshima I watched this 2hour documentary on Discovery Channel last night and honestly, I am still in shock. Ok, not shock but I am filled with emotions about it.
Yeaps, ever since the channel 8 production on Japanese Invasion, I totally hate those Japanese back then. But watching the show made me pity them. And although they are cruel and such, some generals are indeed loyal and I always find it interesting or I really admired the courage for them to commit hara-kiri or even the kamikaze. I have no idea why.
Ok, the documentary mainly shows the atomic bombing on HiroShima. The first of the two atomic bombs that were thrown by Americans then. And there were survivors giving their recounts of the incident. It’s heart wrenching I tell you. I should have taped it all down.
Hiroshima was the only city that didn’t suffer from any bombings. They were considered very peaceful and other cities suffered occasional bombings and it was rumored that the enemies had something special for them. When I heard this, I just found everything sick. SOMETHING SPECIAL for them and honestly, they are women and children there. People not involved in the freaking war.
People were doing their things. Their daily lives. Soldiers marching around and in the city area, people are eating, walking around. People waiting for the library to be opened. A sunny day.
Then there was a plane in the air. The soldiers watched the bomb fall and the impact was great. Too great. Everything exploded and everything was destroyed. I remember something I heard from the documentary. Those near to the bomb explosion immediately vanished. Yes, no flesh and not even bones. They all turned into dust. Can you imagine, it’s the same as you not existing at all. And windows smashed and exploded. People in the opened suffered from burns that’s really serious. And those people are really innocent people. Kids going to attend school. Ladies going to the market. People going to the library. Honestly, I asked myself what have they done to deserve such an ending.
“the whole valley is filled by a garish light which resembles the Magnesium light used in photography, and I am conscious of a wave heat. I jump to the window to find out the cause of this remarkable phenomenon, but I see nothing more than that brilliant yellow light.” From a recount.
Mothers carrying their burnt child. I remember one recount during the documentary that made me cry. Because it’s from Discovery Channel, I don’t question whether it‘s reliable or authentic. It was after the explosion. All house have collapsed. And there was this mother. She was looking for her son kazu. Kazu is trapped underneath debris and there was fire. The mother tried to get kazu out but he trapped under things too heavy to carry and the mother was injured. And the fire was spreading and the mother left the son and went a corner to see the child dying. And you hear the child calling out to her mother. Wanting the mother to help him get out of the painful situation and asking the mother what is happening and why is the mother not helping him. And finally he told his mother the fire is burning him and he screams in pain. I cried watching that. The mother said this to kazu : “ I am sorry I don’t have the courage to die with you. I am so sorry and I am not fit to be your mother. Kazu I am really sorry.” Tears fell from my eyes. The torture the mother had to go through seeing the son die in pain and not being able to help. The pain of kazu when the fire was burning him slowly. He wasn’t able to escape and the only hope - his mother was not able to save him from whatever was hurting him.
After that shows the Americans celebrating the news of the bombing success. Celebrating. Spending millions of dollars killing innocent people and celebrating. Don’t tell me it’s war. I know it’s war but I find it despicable to harm the innocent. Because I believe no one is to decide if anyone is to die. When you hear the survivors speak, you can feel their pain. There was this old man recounting his incident. He was a young school boy then. He was in school when the explosion took place. He was also affected. He was trapped by debris too. He laid there, not knowing what to do. And a Japanese soldier carried him out of the place. Carried him and walked a long distance and he heard a familiar call, it was his father. It’s so touching. It’s a miracle too. Hearing them talk about seeing everyone burnt, really made me want to cry.
There was this doctor, a survivor too, recounting the incident. He was near the woods when he heard something and he said he saw a creature. Something totally black and it was moving towards him. It was black from head to toe and no one area was skin colour. And when he walked closer to see what was that, he was shocked. It was a man that was burnt badly. He didn’t have eyes or nose. And his mouth was what was left. No chin and no cheeks. He fell and lay there. The doctor wanted to take his pulse but there was no skin. No where save for him to touch. And after shivering a few times, he went dead. Can you imagine the pain that man must have felt? Try placing yourself into his shoes. That pain, that wanting to get help but no one is able to help. That helplessness.
And those victims went to makeshift hospital. And then, there was this strange illness in the hospital. Victims died and it was not of the burns. They started to vomit brown liquid and die. And they realized those victims were decomposing. DECOMPOSING when they are still alive. Heard it’s due to white blood cells. They didn’t have white blood cells. Those who died were mainly people who drank the poisoned rain water. The rain water that was filled with radioactive chemicals.
Death toll increased and even years after that the effects were still felt. Cancer and the trauma victims faced. The children. The survivors. Later on in the documentary some people questioned the atomic bombings. Was the bombings necessary? The americans stated that it was to end the war, to make the Japanese surrender, to protect their people. What a nice and noble way to stand up for such acts of cruelty. After building the bomb, no one knew the destructive power of the bomb. So, they tried it on Hiroshima. They wanted to know how destructive it was. Can you imagine how sick that thought is? Experimenting on humans?
What makes are a level above animals? Or assumed so. I always thought it’s our ability to feel for others. To understand and care for others. And that does not meant going miles to help someone. It was even understanding the fact that we should respect life. I mean, why take something that is not yours. And in that case, it’s taking the life of others. Who have the right to say that someone is to die? Even the mother have no say. What makes you think you can say that or even do that?
Watching this Hiroshima documentary really made me wonder. What’s the meaning of being humans? People out there killing each other. For money, for fame, for religion, for anything imaginable.
That’s the ugly world. I thought things changed. I thought it’s now that the world is so ugly. But back then, it was ugly too. I can’t bear to think what people will do now. To have something, you really will go all out to do anything? The lack of empathy between humans. Murders. For money. Money can really buy that much things? Money can even buy your conscience?
So many times we do things without thought. I remember being totally depressed about things that people do. You know school bullies? How can someone bear to actually treat someone who done nothing harmful to such a cruel extent. But well, life is like that I supposed? You got to learnt to adapt. Learn to change with things. Learn to accept that things are like that and if we really want to find the happiness, the really nice people, we got to search hard.
Treating people the way you want to be treated. I remember someone telling me that and honestly, I forgot who. You want others to be nice, you be nice. You want others to believe in you, believe in others. Have you ever trust someone so much that even if the whole world says that that person is a murdered, you will still stand by that person? Believing takes a lot of courage I think. Imagine what happens if things you believe is actually fact. I hate to be a doubter. To protect yourself? Perhaps. I mean, who want to get hurt? But no pain, no gain?
I remember June June asking if I am aware of what I want in life. What I want in life is such an broad question. What I want now. What I want in future. I am living for surprises.
Booof! I don’t know what’s wrong again. I hate this self contradicting me. I hate it when I start worrying about everything and anything imaginable. I am a strong girl. I can take care of things myself. I am brought up this way. You never know when that pair of hands is going to disappear leaving you alone behind standing hopelessly. Why bother waiting for that pair of hands? Learn to move on on your own because waiting can be a tiring thing. Waiting because you never know when that person will appear or whether that person will not appear. Waiting because you don’t know if things are going right. And yes I have been in a terrible mood swing today. It’s worst than a sine wave. But I can’t help but feel disturbed. And honestly, it’s the blog that I can turn too because I hate to appear irrational and emoy in front of humans. It’s alright because it’s just one of those moments that I need to make sure I appreciate the feeling of being happy. Eww! And the main things that is disturbing is reading people’s msn nick! =0( Why why why!
Rah! I can’t stand it anymore! =0( I might die of exhaustion because the stinky thoughts just run in circles. Neverending rounds of thinking. And I think, I am not going to sleep tonight. It’s hard to find someone that really listens nowadays. Because it’s either people pretend to care, or some are really busy with their problems and the neverending work. I understand and I have my trusty blog to accompany me through my irrational times.
Things will be fine, I believe. If there’s one wish now, I wish for this 11month feeling to fade away. *fingers crossed* BOTTLED 10:50 PM l 0 Bottle(s)