So I guess my brain’s all fried. I have been sitting here and thinking and thinking and thinking. So much that people thought I am busy and stressed out over studying. Yes, I am busy STUDYING with no notes in front of me. How is that POSSIBLE? And yes, I realized I need to start some light revision for warm up and my Comm Skills common test is a few days away. I don’t call that common test, I call that exam since it carries a heavy percentage. Oh well. Wanted to revise but I can’t do it. I sat here (in front of comp) thinking and thinking. To the extent that I think I will go bonkers. (*random: My eye went swollen last night again, and I had pig trotters for dinner last night*)
Perhaps another round of talks. And that means talking to myself. Ok, that is in my mind talking to myself. I came across a blog. With quotes that nearly killed me. How true how true. The world is cruel. You fight for your seat. No more "i tried my best". It's only your best when u win. Really? I feel so too. What’s the point of trying your best when it all falls back to failing and not producing results. Process is more important than the results many say. But how many times have you tried hard and harder and nothing good comes out of it. It’s plain shitty feeling right? Because working hard is SUPPOSED to work. And yes, don’t throw me that face just because you need not work your ass of for anything. Oh great, the sitting-down-alone-thinking is making me mad. Sitting down and thinking what the hell have I given myself in life. A sense of satisfaction? None. Hope? None. And fine, the more I think the more I contradict myself. I am a contradiction.
So thinking and SENSING I am abit weirder (I have always been weird) today. Some dumbieass tried to talk to me. Like thank you because all you did was to make me think more and harder and yes, it’s getting no where. You purely say things to anger me or? Whatever, your advice equals to not having none. Explain and repeated everything to you and just can’t seem to comprehend what’s wrong. I know I am so unreasonable for flaring up but then I seldom or don’t speak up about these and repeating it is like killing me. Things people say to me is FILLED with meanings today and I am going to burst thinking about them. And you chose to make things worst citing such examples when I told you never to rake it up again. Fine. You made it sound like it’s my retribution. What the hell. I am honestly going to faint from all this thinking and not studying for my common test/exams (*read k3*). And words just can’t “flow out of my fingertips” anymore. You know I used to imagine words flowing from my brain, to my hands and to my fingertips and from my fingertips onto the keyboard and then onto the screen? Haax. I know I am retarded.
And yes, I love to imagine such stuffs. And that is why Gemini-s live in their own world. Little world of fantasy. How I wished I can be part of the Fellowship of the Ring in LOTR. But of course, I don’t want to die, I just want minor cuts to show how tough I am. But the main point is, I love fantasy world. And I want to live in LOTR world or even best, Harry Potter world. A boring life like now just make me so dull. Nothing high, nothing happening. And yes, I can’t stand ultra sensitive people. Read the word ULTRA. *sighs* But perhaps I am totally insensitive to people’s feelings too? Thinking thinking thinking. And yes, my swollen eyes is spilling water, I am not crying. Boof. I am becoming an ultra sensitive person now. Wk sent me a song and yes, the music is simply too _____ (can’t find a word for it). And yes, crap, I don’t know the lyrics or whatever the meaning is. But I am playing it on repeat and it’s gonna repeat on and on till I off the computer. And I am desperately searching for it’s lyrics. And yes, I still can’t find it. Never mind about that. I am loving the song. It got catchy tunes and I love it! So nice. I love Japanese song more than anything because it’s so ______( can’t find word for it). Traditional? Think about those Japanese idols, or singers. One-of-a-kind. Think gackt. Think kame. Think Yamapi. Think koike teppei.
This is bad. I don’t even feel like watching jdramas. I just want to sit down here and think till the cows come home. Stone a little. And hoping I can still live in my world of fantasy. My fantasy world. But it seems this time I cannot live in my fantasy word. Because of 某某人甲 And yes, I didn’t mention who is this 某某人甲so don’t jump into conclusions. It’s so weird. it’s been so long and normally, this feeling fades away fast. But. Eww. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Don’t want to. But it keeps popping on my mind. It just reappears in my mind. Totally sickness. And you are convincing me it’s retribution.
BOTTLED 5:24 PM l 0 Bottle(s)