Friday, August 10, 2007
Was reading someone’s blog and I nearly went to tears. *sighs* I think the boredom is really killing me. The headache I have is driving me mad. I am bored. Totally. Today is just another day at home. I want to do something. And it’s going to maths exam soon. I have no guidelines. I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I hate maths totally and it’s my first paper. *sighs*Things are getting boring. Everything becomes norm. Everything becomes black and white. It’s totally boring. Going out can be boring. Staying at home can be boring. Everyone seems to be looking at you in a different way. Everyone seems to be in their world while I am in my own. Never leaving the circle drawn. Afraid of moving too close to the edge and yet, being alone in the circle is way too lonely.
Argh! I want to get out. I want to do something. I want to study. I want to…
I don’t know what I want to do. I no longer know what can I do to make myself happy. Even be pleased with myself. Whenever I want to smile, there will be 101 reasons to not smile. And yes, every time I feel it aching. Both sides are killing me. People I love, and people I don’t love. *sighs*
I hate this I hate this. Forever in this cycle! And yes, I hate being in this and I totally despise myself and hating myself for this. It’s so freaking irritating! Rah! Ok, don’t come here until after three days, I will get my emotions under control and blog something happier. But for the time being, let me rant here alright?
Okay, where to start? Oh gosh, it’s such a long story. Such a long story. When things happen, I just want to keep to myself. No, not trying to pretend to be strong (hey, I am strong okay), but then keeping to myself is the best way to prevent myself from thinking too much about things people say. At times ( I mentioned AT TIMES ) whatever people say can make me think till tomorrow. I can’t help sighing the whole day and that sucks. Yucks! And I can no longer give myself pep talks to cheer myself up. And yes, craps with the be brave. I don’t want to engage in small talks anymore. I don’t want to believe in anything. If everything can just come to a standstill. Nothing moves.
I looked at the scar. Been so long since it fully healed. I thought I learnt my lesson. Once bitten twice shy. But I haven’t learnt my lesson. This time, it’s different. No longer the same. It’s weird. I asked myself what’s changed. Lols. Reality. I don’t even know what will happen tomorrow, who am I to deserve certain things? I don’t even know what to expect. *sighs* Living each day like your last. How true. Hahas. Craps.
You know, those one sided thing is such a disgrace and I feel totally yucks about it because it’s so, argh! I hate this I hate this! Priority! Priority! Studies studies. I give myself till tomorrow to get out of this shit and get to study. Really. Michelle.
I talked to you, but that doesn’t mean I am okay with you doing whatever you are doing alright? =0)
No one is able to get me to say things. It's a bad things because certain things really need to be talked about or i will go krazy.
World's fattest. I found it long ago on yahoo!
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