Woke up rather early in the morning but still late for INDEC. And it’s not on purpose! I really wanted to go for it. But I overslept. =0) It took 4sms-es to wake me up. Teehee. Then bathed and met June June. And on the bus we saw this guy with a tattoo at the back of the neck. And tattoo-ed is the words JOYCE PHUA. And I swear I have never seen such nice tattoo before. It‘s simple and neat and freaking sweet! =0) After that we sat near yck sports complex or whatever is that to wait for the rest. Sat there to talk talk talk talk and talk with that song played on repeat. =0)
After that went back to school. And yeaps. After that bathed. And I think I got sun burnt again. =0( *sighs* I hate it I hate it. I look like a pig that is badly roasted. GOSH! No amount of whitening lotion is going to save it! Oh wells.
After bathing, head over to Toa Payoh for lunch! =0) And I waited for my lunch till I almost drop dead. =0( Rah! But I was worth it and after that headed over to amk hub with June June. And that’s when all the freaking embarrassing thing started. And I swear I wanted to kill myself. Hahas! I can’t IMAGINE I did that in public but all thanks to SOMEONE. =.= And I rushed to the toilet and rah, I wanted to kill myself. =0( Boohoo. Then went to Anderson and parked there to eat. I WANTED TO HAVE THE strawberry farm thingy but I am just too full. So I settled with my apple tea while June June feast on her SUNDAE. It looked totally good. =0( Hahas. Sat there and waited for her to finish and yes, JUNEJUNE CHEATED ME. And her acting skills needs improvement. =x Rah~ Don’t wanna talk about that. Makes me feel so dumb. Woops! It totally made me confirm that this is one weakness of mine. After that %#$^@$% did his smiling thing, I couldn’t help but want to hide somewhere where no one can see me because EVERY SMILE is affecting me! But I am always like that. =0 (
Then walked around , and crapped a little. I bought a handphone holder because I kept dropping my phone. And bought a pair of mini shoe. =0) It’s cute can, and I went home to let monkey try it. =.=‘’’ I feel dumb after that. PICS UP SOON
Today. I can’t help but think about what you said. Those crap and excuses you gave me. You made me question the friendship between us. It’s hard for me to even believe in that now and all this. I wonder what made you want to smoke. If you wanted to seek some form of peace from all the problems you had. Is it really our fault for not lending a listening ear or help? Somehow I hate myself. And I see myself hating you. Hating someone is indeed hard. The things you said, I want to prove them wrong and yet, I know I can’t do it. I am like practically useless. Proving to myself that whatever you said is true. I hate this. I hate this michelle. I despise myself even much more now. At times I wonder why you want to make my life difficult. Just because I made you life difficult? I don’t want to blame you but then, it’s really hard for me. I didn’t know talking about mr otaku in front of you would kill you so much. But I talked about it anyway. Call me insensitive, call that on purpose. It’s my fault after all. This quarrel made you say everything. Things I don’t want to hear. Things I don’t know. Reality I must face.
I really am not a nice person afterall. And yes, I never said I am nice. I am such an evil girl. I am selfish. I am everything a good girl shouldn’t be. I no longer know what to do. Everything bad comes together. I hate myself for everything I am. I despised and hate it when I start complaining about myself. Why things got to go wrong and why is it that I got a part to play when things go wrong. Eww michelle, stop whining.
I was thinking about Mr Otaku. And pardon me if you are dumb enough to read this part of the blog. I got no one to talk to about Mr Otaku because it’s totally hard for me to talk about it to some existing human. I am fine with just thinking about Mr Otaku because at least it calms my soul. And I always have this saddist thought. And no, not the violent saddist but the mentally saddism towards myself. Never mind about that. Ya, I know. At times I don’t know what I am thinking. Craps! Mr Otaku is the first guy that is able to calm my soul. Well, just by me thinking about Mr Otaku. Ok, he is the first guy after the jerk. But let all this plain liking me a memory because honestly, I really don’t know what will happen tomorrow. And yes, Mr Otaku is someone I don’t want to lose. More than 11 months of liking. It’s hard to forget and I decided, why try hard to forget right? Bloof! Better shut up and head to comm skills SERIOUSLY.
I ask myself whether i have the courage and the strength to believe in people or not. But of course i will. =0) I believe out of 10 people, there's should be one nice one right. =0) I told you i am a optimistic pessimist.